Marriage after God (special guest Jennifer & Aaron Smith)

The Smiths are authors of the book Marriage After God. They have huge blog ministries called husband revolution & unveiled wife. At the beginning of their marriage they had many struggles and wanted to be able to vulnerably walk through these times in community encouraging others going through the same situations. 

The mission behind their book:

God purposed marriage to go far beyond healthy and happy. 

God’s design is for you to chase after the extraordinary purposes He has for you and your marriage.

What are some of the challenges you guys have walked through?

“We are constantly going through seasons of adjustments and changes that cause us to need to navigate and communicate better.

We have been through every struggle on the board. Intimacy, financial, communication, etc.

If we know what we are supposed to be doing and our identity from Christ then we can filter every problem through that lens.” 

How can people identify when things aren’t going well? What can they do?

“Community was a huge aspect of us being able to find healing. Marriage isn’t always perfect and community helps encourage us and spur us on. 

When we have problems and we lose focus of our identity and our purposes then every problem seems much bigger than reality. When we center on Jesus we gain insights into what we should do next. 

We need to be able to see our marriage the way that God sees our marriage. 

Everything becomes much less painful when we focus on Jesus.”

What are common trials that you see marriages facing?

“A lot of issues stem from selfishness. 

The number one thing we see is sexual infidelity. Porn, affairs, emotional relationships, etc.

The bible leaves no rom for that and it causes so much destruction in marriage. 

We had to walk through the battle of pornography and it’s been three years of freedom now. 

People are trying to pursue happiness in their marriage when happiness is not the end goal.

Just because you aren’t happy doesn’t mean you chose the wrong person and need to give up. 

Our marriages should paint the picture that we are strong and that we remain even when things aren’t going well.

We would fight harder if we knew Gods true perspective and believed what the Bible says about marriage.

You can’t build a biblical marriage if you don’t read the bible. We need to have a personal relationship with Him.

Talk to us about the difference between the saying “you and me against the world.” and “you and me for the world.”

It’s not about us only getting what we want and just fighting for ourselves. 

It is about coming together in our marriage and asking God what we have to offer the world. 

Not so focused on self and more focused on loving and helping others. 

Not that you won’t ever have problems or need to take care of yourself but when you have a different focus your problems will shrink in comparison.

Becoming more selfless and less selfish.

Give them some love and check out their book & podcast below:

https://marriageaftergod.com/

https://marriageaftergod.com/category/marriage-after-god-podcast/

How to Gain Obedience Through Choices

What are choices?

They are an empowering way to give your kids some control and some freedom in the relationship. You might be thinking that this sounds crazy. Why would we as parents want to give any control to our kids? Aren’t we supposed to have all the control as parents?

We see this answered in the beginning of the Bible when God created Adam and Eve and the two trees. One to eat from and one to leave alone. He was giving them the freedom to choose Him or to reject Him. Meaning that God doesn’t want us to be robots, He designed us to be able to have freedom to follow Him. 

We still have authority as parents, but we don’t need to have all the control. Learning to model after the culture God created will change our home. We want our kids to be raised in an environment of freedom. 

Taking all the control is like drawing a line in the sand and then daring them not to cross it. We’ve all seen it when our kids seem to only want to do the very things we have asked them not to do. This is because they are screaming for some freedom in our relationships!

This is applicable for all ages and all relationships. I don’t tell my spouse what to do all day and if I did we wouldn’t have a very healthy and connected relationship. It is the same with our children. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who is telling them what to do all day long. 

Why will choices benefit your home?

It teaches your kids to use critical thinking. They begin to think for themselves and take responsibility for their own actions. Rather than just being told what to do their whole life they are being offered choices that equip them to think for themselves. You get to empower your kids to become respectful and responsible adults! When they leave your house and you aren’t around to tell them what to do and what not to do they will know how to think for themselves. You want to raise them in a way that they don’t need you as caretakers after they leave.

Don’t worry you still get some of the control in the relationship when you offer choices, yet you are also giving some of the control. Allow the Lord to stretch you and make you uncomfortable in this. 

You still get the obedience and outcome the you desire. You pick option A and B for your kids and then they get to choose from there. Your kids won’t be allowed to run all over you they actually will begin to have more respect for you. Kids tune out parents who just order them around with demands and commands.

Kids that have deep connections with their parents will obey them. We see this correlation with our relationship with Jesus. When we fall in love with Him we can’t wait to listen to Him, to follow Him, and to obey Him.

The more you foster your connection with your kids the more they will love, respect, and obey you without you even having to require it. 

This is huge as your kids get older and have relationships, phones, and jobs. You’ll know you can trust them because you have built a connection with them. That connection  leads them to honor and respect you even when you aren’t around.

How can you begin implementing choices?

Always give two options that lead to the same outcome. There is a third option that isn’t said but is known. The third option is that if they don’t choose or if they don’t pick one of your two options then you get to pick one. 

“You choose or I choose.”

Examples: 

“Do you want to walk to the car, or do you want me to carry you?”

“Do you want to do your homework before dinner, or after?”

“Do you want to unload the dishes, or take out the trash?”

“Feel free to watch your TV show after you’ve unloaded the dishes.”

“Feel free to go out with your friends after the homework is done.”

This engages them, allows them to think for themselves, and figure out what they want to do. 

It also removes you from having to be the bad guy because they are now choosing for themselves meaning that they pick the consequences. If they choose to listen then they will receive the rewards at the end. If they don’t choose option A or B then they will receive the natural consequences the come with that. It will always lead to obedience.

Remember to never introduce sarcasm or anger. This will ruin your connection and it will also ruin what you have started doing by implementing choices. Watch your body language, eye contact, and tone of voice. Be loving and empathetic even when you are discipling them. 

Try it out and let us know how it goes!

If you have specific questions email us at raisingourchampions@gmail.com.

Want to dive in more to this topics? Take this FREE eCourse: https://mailchi.mp/cde0e74ee209/toddler


Kids becoming adults

1:19 Jeremy shares his story about overcoming cancer and pain


1:50 God makes good out of everything we go through 


3:23 God is with us in it all


4:40 Overcoming and seeing miracles takes place 


5:56 Encouraging young people all around the world 


7:43 Coming of age events


8:22 Sixteen is a transitional age for kids becoming adults 


8:59 Gaining more responsibility 


9:40 Our kids need to know that they have what it takes 


10:00 Passing on the baton


10:35 Connecting and protecting 


11:54 Having people come alongside our kids as they step into adulthood 


13:32 Blessings and words of promise and destiny 


14:39 Get a mentor! 


15:24 Resources to do a coming of age event 

-for men and women 


17:23 When our kids know how God sees them and how others see them they begin to excel 


18:07 Inviting our older kids to begin living as an adult 


18:38 Jeremy introduces his group coaching 

http://jeremynicks.com/ (click the connect button)


20:05 Prayer of blessing

How kids learn: love and logic (special guest: Kim Cross)

How kids learn: love and logic (special guest: Kim Cross)

00:40 Kim Cross introduces herself and how she got started with her parenting trusting (re-think parenting)

2:11 Began training teachers, parents, and school executives 

2:38 Been a parenting coach for 35 years 

3:11 How do kids learn and how do they not learn?

3:40 3 ways lids learn

1. Example (through us as parents)

2. Experience (learning from mistakes)

3. Empathy with consequences 

7:42 What hinders them from learning?

8:20 If your kids aren’t in learning mode they are in flight or fight mode 

9:38 What happens if you aren’t hard on your kids? 

11:00 What are some phrases that parents can use when discipline their kids? 

-Respond don’t react

11:56 Delay the consequence to think it over

12:12 The more words you use the less effective you are 

13:13 What is the goal of of disciplining our kids? 

17:02 How can people grow from what you do?

It's okay to apologize!

00:42 We believe the lie that we need to be perfect


1:34 Vulnerability invites our kids to be vulnerable 


2:30 Show your kids how to take ownership for their mistakes 


3:03 Creating a culture in your home 


3:40 Your kids don’t want you to be perfect


3:57 Your kids will respect you more


4:24 The more vulnerable you are with them the deeper your connection will be with your kids 


5:02 Your kids will learn what you do when you are angry, frustrated, and stressed 


5:58 Our kids need to see us respond to things in healthy ways 


7:07 Allowing our kids in to see our mess and how we clean it up


8:08 Apologize where it’s due

Looking for more? Here is a free 5 part eCourse on the difference between discipline vs punishment bit.ly/2Y0tJvt

Raising Children in Today's Culture Special Guest (Pastor Brent Hofen)

Show Notes

1:15 Why has the church struggled to engage culture?

4:16 How to influence the friends your kids hang with.

6:40 Thorough two sided conversations.

8:00 What content should we allow our kids to watch?

9:15 Phone check ins each night.

11:40 how to have crucial conversations about sex, drugs, and alcohol.

14:00 Check out Brent’s website https://www.livinginmysweetspot.com/

Raising respectful & responsible children with Special Guest (Seth Dahl)

Show notes

1:20 The First children’s Church 

3:05 normal Christianity within families. 

4:00 discipline vs punishment 

4:52 you can use tools to punish your kids. The heart is what matters 

6:00 “he who spares his rod hates his son”. 

8:30 how to respond to negative behavior in love. 

10:30 “disrespect doesn’t breed respect” 

12:00 giving them the words to say. 

13:30 addressing entitlement. 

16:00 giving them opportunities to contribute around the house

18:00 God is really good children’s book. (Get yours here)

20:00 Win-Win parenting eCourse. (Enroll here and support the Dahl’s)

Intentionality with Special Guest (Ebie Hepworth)

Check out Fearless Co!

00:51 Meet Ebie!

2:15 Why is it important to be intentional with our families? 

3:15 Pursuing each child’s heart.

4:30 Creating connections with our kids so that trust and connection is built.

4:53 How do you pursue your kids on the day to day? 

5:40 Learning to include our kids rather than being annoyed that they are around.

7:21 Modeling what a life of worship looks like to our kids.

8:40 Times for open communication. 

9:25 How do you meet your kids love languages? 

9:39 Learning to play with our kids. 

9:58 Devotion over distraction. 

12:15 What is the result when you spend intentional time with your kids?

14:31 Attitudes and behaviors are drastically different when needs are met. 

16:13 Teaching kids what it looks like to be intentional together.

17:12 Prayer of impartation and blessing

Be sure to follow Ebie on Instagram!:)

Teaching Your Kids To Hear God's voice

Show Notes”

1:05 Often God’s speaks through his whisper 

2:05 We are all growing in hearing His voice

2:45 “What would Jesus say if he was present in the room?”

3:40 You will begin hearing of people’s original design

4:45 Causing your kids to build up others

5:25 Atmosphere is everything 

6:30 Times of worship

7:50 Meditating on God’s word

9:25 Our kids need to see us worship God

10:40 John 14

Listen on Stitcher

Listen on Itunes

FREE resources

Gaining God's Heart For Parenting

Show notes:

00:42 Understanding God’s heart towards us and letting that shape us 

1:18 God isn’t looking to punish you

1:59 God’s correction is always kind and loving 

2:39 God doesn’t have negative thoughts towards us

3:19 Learning to see our kids rightly 

3:46 God isn’t disappointed in you

5:22 Calling forth who our kids really are and speaking identity over them 

6:33 God’s love doesn’t run out 

7:19 We can’t motivate our kids by fear 

8:30 God longs to lead you

9:00 Prayer of impartation

Listen on Sitcher

Listen on Itunes

FREE Resources

Navigating Change (Guest Interview Joel Ryman)

1:00 The story behind these two lovebirds

1:35 Gates of hope- the ministry they run

2:00 What changes happen with kids 


3:05 Sleep deprivation leads to unresolved anger


4:30 Recognizing it and submitting it to God 


6:05 Relationship in the marriage changes


7:00 Learning to intentionally date each other


8:00 How to cultivate prayer. Practicing the presence of God


9:15 Practicing gratitude 


11:00 Cultivating vision as a parent 


13:00 We need you God, reaching to Him


14:00 Prayer of impartation

Meant for More (Guest interview with Charity Majors)

1:09 Meet Charity Majors

2:31 How to pursue your dreams while still being a mama

5:21 How to balance being a wife, mom, and pursuing your dreams

8:00 How to reject the status quo and receive Gods truth

10:41 How to activate and begin taking action on your dreams and goals

17:30 Empowerment poem “A call to the light bearers”

Her website, book, and coaching here: https://www.charitymajors.com/

Assess Address Align

As parents its important we learn how to ASSESS what is going on in our children's lives, ADDRESS what has happened and ALIGN them to their destiny.

If you'd like ongoing support as a parent be sure to join our parenting community: https://bit.ly/2UJzhZ6

Take advantage of our free online eCourses here: https://raisingourchampions.thinkific.com/

Our Ceiling is Their Floor (Guest Interview Kelli Kinney)

Our ceiling is their floor.

Intro generosity and missions. 

0:00-2:30

How did you involve your kids in missions?

3:00-7:00

How do families become missions daily? 

7:25-9:30

How do your kids respond?

9:35-13:40

Prayer of impartation.

14:44-16:54

Subscribe below! Click on the link to never miss another podcast.

Kids Aren't Inherently Disobedient

Show notes

Thanks for tuning in!

0:40 Telling kids not to do something so that they won’t do it

1:07 “Our kids desire to do what we don’t want them to do.”

2:10 Kids just don’t want to obey their parents 

3:05 Connected through relationship 

4:05 Disconnected children

4:43 Teaching them what they can do 

5:35 Empowering through choices

7:12 Treating them according to the heart of God 

9:45 You can do it!

Free course!

https://raisingourchampions.thinkific.com/courses/discipline-vs-punishment

Facebook parenting group : https://www.facebook.com/groups/707115586291388/


How to be on the same page with your spouse

Show Notes

1:10 Pray for your spouse first and foremost

2:20 Discuss how you want to discipline

3:10 Consistency between parents

4:25 Teaching your kids to honor the other parents words

5:23 Contradicting one another confuses the child.

6:50 Address disagreements apart from your kids.

7:30 Romantic dates and planning dates

9:50 Free course: https://raisingourchampions.thinkific.com

4 Signs of a Healthy Family

4 Signs of a Healthy Family

Show notes

1. Everyone feels know (:40)

1:00 Dismissing emotions.

1:40 No one has to hide

2. Everyone knows they have a voice (2:00)

2:30 “You have a powerful voice”

3:00 Modeled as parents

3. No pain is hidden

4:00 “ Into-me-you-see”

4:55 “Never afraid to come home with their pain”

5:45 Negative choices come from pain

4. Love is abounding 6:30

Philippians 1:9-10

7:10 Love is how we reveal Christ in our homes.

8:10 Individual experiences of love

8:40 Free course!

https://raisingourchampions.thinkific.com/courses/discipline-vs-punishment

FB parenting group : https://www.facebook.com/groups/707115586291388/

Caitlyn's Supernatural Birth Stories

We hope you are inspired by this episode. This to can be your story. Please email Caitlyn@doerksenlife.com so we can be praying for your pregnancy.

Show notes

1:00 19 and Pregnant

1:10 The invitation for supernatural birth

1:50 “you don’t have to be in pain when you give birth”

2:15 Super natural child birth book

https://amzn.to/2EGVcv2

2:45 Choosing peace leaves behind fear

3:33 Feeling naive vs Trusting God

4:22 Baby by 5

5:00 Dilated to a 7

5:25 Fear in delivery

6:00 The 3 push prayer

6:44 Her middle name shall be Joy

7:30 Baby girl confirmation

8:30 Prophetic words about joy

9:30 9 days past her due date!

11:00 Here comes Gemma

11:25 1,2,3 here she is!!!

11:50 This can be your story!

12:40 This is His idea

13:00 Prayer of importation

Subcribe and join our parenting group if you haven’t already.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/707115586291388/

Thank you for Listening

Meet the Doerksen's

Have Fun listening to our story of how we fell in love and hear where this podcast is headed!

0 :45 Meeting in Ecuador

2:00 Water bottle spill

2:50 Caitlyn falls in love

3:45 Missionary in distress

4:30 The 3 gun yielding Dads

5:30 Surprise ruined

6:00 Time to propose

6:40 I love you (awk)

7:30 8 months in we got prego with Selah

8:00 Gemma joy baby #2

8:30 Vision for the future of the podcast

Subcribe and join our parenting group if you haven’t already.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/707115586291388/